My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
