You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Randomize
