If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
