Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
