im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize