now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
