yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
