My sheets look like a crime scene.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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