What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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