I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
