Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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