She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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