I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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