You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
