wrigley field is MILF paradise
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
