so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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