I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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