I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
