Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
