I think I am morally bankrupt
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
