I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
