I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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