frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
