Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize