problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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