Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she smelled like a LAN party
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize