The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
