I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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