she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
