I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize