Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
