did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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