I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
