hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
