The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
