I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
