yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
