Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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