When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize