im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
