you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
