he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
