We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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