the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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