you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
