drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
