I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize