I heard we made out
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
