well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
