You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
