Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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