i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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