3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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