Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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