i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
