Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
