So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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