do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize