Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The Olympian is in my bed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
