You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
