dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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