Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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