I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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