As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
