I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
