i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
