the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
