What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize