If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i came on her dog
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
