just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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