Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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