Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize