update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
