Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
