it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
