so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
