well you can't waste a boner
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
